“Love yourself girl or nobody will.”
In case you were wondering, yes, that’s a line from J. Cole’s song, Crooked Smile. Simple and effective. Who’s going to love you if you can’t even love yourself? Aside from my relationship with God, my relationship with myself is one of the most important ones I will ever have. When you love yourself, you know who you are, you’re at peace and you completely let go and live. It’s great being in a relationship with someone else and love is beautiful, but if you don’t fully love yourself then I’m sorry but your relationship with that other person is doomed for failure. It’s also easy to fall into the trap of not knowing who you are and losing yourself in a relationship. Lord knows I’ve done it (insert laughing and crying emoji). I need that crying emoji because that’s all I was doing at the time and that laughing emoji represents what I feel when I look back on it now. I was 10 feet deep into a relationship where I completely put Asia aside and put that other person first. When that person cheated on me and I decided to stay, I thought being even more attentive to him was the answer. So what did I do? I pushed myself aside even more. I thought it was somehow MY fault. I wasn’t even twenty yet so don’t judge the apparent stupidity. I was so far gone that I didn’t even know who I was at this point. I’m sure we’ve experienced that crazy relationship that comes and goes with your first love. Or was it just my crazy relationship? Actually, I’m sure crazy is the exact word that dude thinks of when he thinks about me. I’ve got some stories to tell that involves popped tires, sidechicks and the state of Mississippi, which I’d like to never visit EVER again but I’m not sure if y’all are ready for all that. Y’all, I was writing depressing Facebook statuses. I cringe at the thought of me putting “single again” as a status. I would NEVER today. The point is, I lost myself in a relationship and when it was over, I had no choice but to get to know the person looking back at me in the mirror. After tubs and tubs of ice cream, tears, and more ice cream, I started working on doing things that were interesting to me. I got back in the gym, I had more time to read, and I started taking acting classes at the local theatre. The worst thing to do after a breakup is to jump right back into a relationship. We all need that ME time for us to discover ourselves. That alone time teaches you how to love yourself and how to be alone in general. I know that some people actually have issues with being alone. When you ignore the time needed for yourself, it causes a whole bunch of issues that won’t be good for you or anyone you decide to start a relationship with. When you have that self-love, you know what you want and you know what you deserve. I was taking all kinds of mess in that previous relationship because I didn’t know my worth yet. Now I know what I can and can’t deal with and I know what I deserve. I have to admit, once I starting taking that time alone for myself, I became a little selfish, but we all need to be selfish sometimes. However, that won’t work if you’re trying to start another relationship. I had to teach myself how not to be so independent and care about someone’s feelings besides my own. I’m not at all saying that you shouldn’t be independent but not to the point where your significant other should feel like they don’t have a place in your life or your heart. So I would always suggest to first build that foundation with God and then start to build with yourself. Find out what you like to do, go to the movies by yourself (I’ve done it and I actually enjoyed it. If you want to see a movie, go. You don’t need anyone for that!), have a spa day, go shopping or whatever it is YOU like to do. Then and only then can you began to build with someone else. When you have two people together who first love God, loves themselves and are sure of themselves and has a strong love for each other, who can stop that?