Beating Bushes

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“Be simple. Be direct. Be clear. Don’t worry about being correct. Worry about being real.”- Jill Telford

I grew up in a household with a single mom who spoke her mind. She told it like it was, said it as she saw it, called you out on your ish regardless if it was good or bad. It wasn’t like she was doing it to be mean, but she’s just a direct person and that’s a part of her personality. You know how you might be in a situation where you have something in your teeth or your nose and some people won’t say anything about it? Then you go home and look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Really? I was just all up in your face and you didn’t say nothing?!” Well you would NEVER have to worry about that in front of her. She was going to tell you what was on her mind. My brother is the same way. If he doesn’t like you, he’ll let you know and not in a settle, “I’m just going to ghost this person” kind of way. He’ll look you in your face and say “Hmm. I’m not really feeling you.” Direct and right to the point. Ironically, this isn’t exactly one of my strengths. In an effort to avoid hurting people’s feelings or just because I feel like that would be the harder thing to do, ghosting was apart of my nature. I did it in friendships, in romantic relationships and even jobs. Side thought: I’ve had a million of those! Jobs! Don’t get any funny ideas ๐Ÿ™„. So I’ve always wondered what contributed to the fact that, despite my surroundings, my behavior was completely different than what I’ve been around my entire life. My logic made sense in my head, as it usually does there. When people are direct, it can often be misconstrued in so many ways. I mean, how many times has someone told you something that may have been true, but you didn’t necessarily like it? I’m pretty sure it happens to the best of us. What was your reaction? “Oh my God! I can’t believe so and so just came for me like that?” Did you they really just come for you or were they just being direct with you? Even though people don’t receive it well, being direct is the best approach to any situation that we might face and it should be followed by respect for what was said. When you’re faced with the truth, you can’t help but respect it. Now, that doesn’t mean that you should completely wild out with with your approach to being direct. For example, if you tell one of your girlfriends something about her no-good man by saying something like, “This dude got you looking dumb out here. He probably with somebody right now.” Regardless if that may be true, that’s not going to necessarily help that person respect your directness. Your approach should always come from a place of love and respect, but honesty of course. I really had to sit and think about this. What’s the benefit of ghosting on people? This just causes people to think that you’re not a good friend, unreliable and/or a pushover if you’re not direct about something they may have done to offend you. If you just avoid the situation, it’s going to keep happening. You’re going to find yourself ignoring situations that you’re not ok with or ignoring people that may be a positive force in your life. I found that once you’re direct with someone, things are always better on the other side. If their not and that person truly gets offended after you made clear that your intentions were good, then let them go. I remember I was in a situation where I overheard something offensive that a friend said about me. What did I do? I was immediately pissed at them, but did I tell them that? Nope. I just festered in the anger, eventually stopped calling them, stopped answering their texts and stopped showing up for their get-togethers. This person kept calling and texting and texting and calling. Did I answer? Nope. I just ghosted. Now, I did have a right to be upset, but I could’ve definitely handled it differently. I could have, for instance, approach that person and ask them why they felt that way, but in an effort to avoid like l was used to, I brushed what they said off and brushed that person off in the process. Maybe she had a legitimate reason for feeling that way about me, but I’d typically act like I didn’t care. I didn’t care why she said it and I didn’t care about that person anymore. What did that solve? NADA. Being direct is described as a straightforward technique. This helps avoid any lingering questions about a person’s feelings or what you may be feeling. It’s straight up, truthful and REAL. So what’s the moral of the story, you ask? (I’ve clearly been listening to the breakfast club way too much ๐Ÿ˜œ). Be direct in everything you do and say. This way people know exactly how you feel and there are no questions about it. They don’t have to wonder if they offended you, if you dislike them or if you have a problem. Let them know what it is and there’s no room for the unknown and the assumptions that come from it โœŒ๐Ÿฝ

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Asia Vallier

Born in Lafayette, Louisiana. Raised in Houston, Texas. Poetry, music, theater, and movies have always intrigued me, and all things artistic live at the core of who I am. I've always kept a composition notebook at my side at all times whether that be for journaling, writing music or writing my ideas. At some point, I realized that what I was searching for to express myself had been there all along in my writing. I hope to inspire and invoke thought into each and every one of my readers. Blessings!

4 thoughts on “Beating Bushes

  1. I have definitely learned this over time sis! Itโ€™s is a process but itโ€™s worth it! I never wanted to hurt the other person feelings or wanted them to think โ€œdifferentโ€ of me, but guess what? They either are going to restorer your opinion or not ! Simple! โค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

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