If you haven’t seen my latest youtube video, please do so here. My latest vlog gives you a sneak peek into my weekend, where I’ve attended a twerk class, a photo shoot coordinated by Black Girls Who Collaborate; a millennials networking group for women of color, and also an event called Currently Creating; which was a networking event for creative millennials. I had the most amazing time at these events! It was great to be in the presence of other creatives in the Houston area, but most importantly, it was awesome to see black women working together in a positive environment. I feel like, as women, we can be extremely hard on each other for absolutely no reason at all. If we can build each other up instead of tearing each other down, there’s no limit to what we can accomplish, so here are three things I believe we need to stop doing if want to continue to build bridges amongst one another instead of divisive walls.
Stop the Judgement!
Women judge one another waaaaaaay too much! I’m guilty of it just as much as the next person. We judge each other’s clothes, shoes, hair, weight, dialect, financial status, etc. The list could literally take up this entire page. Ladies – have you ever walked by a group of girls in middle or high school that was talking about you? Have you ever done the same to another woman? I’m willing to bet that we’ve all experience something similar to this before. Guess what? It doesn’t stop when you get older! The older women might be even more petty than the younger kids. I’ll give the kids a pass, but as an adult, I just can’t! What another women have/ don’t have, says, wears or weighs does not make or break you. If it does, that’s only a reflection of your insecurities. Instead of tearing down that woman because we may have opposing views, why don’t we work on understanding one another instead?
The Competition Gets Real!
We compete for attention, we compete at work, we compete for men, and we compete for acceptance. Researchers claim that our competitive DNA trails back to the 1800’s when a woman’s sole purpose and goal in life was to find a husband, have children and take care of them. Although I’d like to believe that we’ve totally evolved since then, it’s like everything around us has programmed us to still believe that we’re in competition with the next woman for our livelihood. Images on television and the internet tell us that we have to be the smartest, thinnest, and prettiest amongst other things, so we’re constantly competing with each other for it. The truth is that there will ALWAYS be someone who’s smarter, thinner and prettier than you are. You just have to be comfortable and confident in everything that you are and equally comfortable with what you aren’t. You have to own who you are. That’s what makes someone beautiful.
Associate Yourself with Positive Queens only!!
I’ve heard from more than a few associates in college that they only hang out with pretty girls. My question is – Why? Do you plan on taking them out on a date? This is probably the most annoying thing I’ve heard come out of someone’s mouth. Whether or not your friend is unattractive to some people, what does that have to do with your personal friendship? I mean, unless you’re interested in more than just a friendship, why does their appearance affect you? That has got to be the most shallow thing ever and, once again, it’s a reflection of your insecurities. It only means that (a) you’re afraid of what others will say or (b) you want these “pretty girls” around to make you feel better about yourself. A friendship should not be based on appearances, but the positive connections that bring people together.
I’ve had some of my best times ever surrounded by positive, influential women, but it also hurts just as bad to be torn down by some. Truth is, there’s nothing beneficial about tearing down another woman, and if you feel better about yourself after doing so then something’s clearly wrong. Together, we can bounce ideas off of each other, develop solutions that can help the younger generation and more importantly – create opportunities for one another. So I challenge you today. If you’re tempted to say something negative to another woman, why not pull out your phone, play the Summer ’18 female anthem “Nice for what” by Drake, and have a twerk sesh instead? Or maybe something a bit more toned down than that, but you get the point. Spread positive vibes only and I promise you, they’ll come back to you!