Be Selfish

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I’ve been reading the book “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero and it’s AMAZING! This book is actually one of the inspirations that lead me to start this blog. My fiance’ bought the book for me about two and a half years ago when I was in somewhat of a slump in my professional career, if that’s what you want to call it. I’ve mentioned before how I had a really difficult time finding a job after college, or at least one that I felt like I deserved after putting in years of school. No one wanted to hire me. Even 24-hour fitness was asking for two years of experience, but I desperately finessed my way in with little to none until I finessed my way into another position with almost no experience in that industry either.I guess you can say that I was feeling unfulfilled. During my last semester in college, I honestly believed the money and job offers would be rolling in and everyone would be begging me to work for their company. Well, it turns out that I was the only one begging after graduation. Can I just say how ridiculous it is that most companies want you to have 3-5 years of experience right out of college? Like, no I don’t have those years of experience, BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY IN SCHOOL GETTING THE DEGREE THAT REQUIRES FOR ME TO BE CONSIDERED FOR THIS POSITION IN THE FIRST PLACE! Now let’s fast forward. When he first gave me this book, I just didn’t have the will or desire to read it. I tried starting it a few times, but I quite honestly wasn’t in the mood, and I tend to push anything and anyone away to a fault when I’m in one of those. After I finished living in my pity party and decided to step back into reality, I finally did start reading it and I can truly say that this book has opened my eyes to things that I already knew about myself, but often didn’t really admit or face head-on. I believe that we all know our faults or characteristics about ourselves that hold us back, but until we face them, they’ll continue to do just that.

The biggest lesson that she repeats in every chapter is to love yourself. I guess you can say that my biggest takeaway ties into that idea. I’ve recently completed a chapter that I feel resonates with me more than any other chapter that I’ve read so far. (Yes, I’m still reading it. I’ve dipped in and out of periods over the last year or so when I felt like reading the book. The good thing is, it’s not a story that you need to keep up with. It’s more like lessons to take away; in no particular order.) The message I’m talking about is that we should put ourselves first sometimes. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I feel like we’re conditioned at birth to be aware of other people’s feelings, try not to hurt them, or not to say things that would rock the boat and come off as rude. It is morally right to a certain extent, but you have to also think about how saying/not saying or doing/not doing that thing will affect you as well. Sincero gives incidents in the book about how we tend to stay in a toxic relationship or friendship with someone who we know isn’t good for us, but we keep them around anyway. Mostly friendships and family members. I think we all learn at some point to get rid of a toxic partner, but we’ll keep that friend around out of fear of hurting their feelings because being a good and loyal friend is important. We also keep toxic family members in our lives, because of the fact that they are just that; family. I’m not saying that family isn’t important, but we can’t allow someone to continue to hurt us because of it. That’s not really putting yourself first when it’s apparent that you need to. We don’t want to hurt that persons’ feelings or make them feel uncomfortable, but what about how you feel? I’m sure everyone’s been in the situation where you felt like you needed to say something to someone, but you knew they wouldn’t take it well so you just didn’t say it at all, but what is that doing for you? Sometimes we have to say how we feel or even let that friend go, not for them but for us. Family will always be there, but that doesn’t mean that requires them to be a strong presence in your life. Say hello and chat about currents events in your life at the backyard BBQ and keep it moving. If someone is constantly being an energy-sucker and throws unnecessary bad vibes your way, how is keeping them around beneficial to you? It sounds selfish, but I believe that we should all be that way sometimes. We’re groomed to believe that being selfish is a negative quality, but what’s worse than that is people-pleasing. If you continue to do things for others without taking care of yourself, who are you and what are you living for? Approval from others? There will always be someone who doesn’t approve of what you do, so next? Making everyone else happy? Ok, but what about your happiness? You’ll just be a version of what someone else wants you to be and that will never result in happiness. It might bring on insanity and confusion about the real you, but what kind of life is that? It may seem hard at first to tell people no, or cut ties with those people, but it’s a small step towards progress and living your truth. If you missed my latest vlog where I take on the city of New Orleans, you slippin! You may get your life here!

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Asia Vallier

Born in Lafayette, Louisiana. Raised in Houston, Texas. Poetry, music, theater, and movies have always intrigued me, and all things artistic live at the core of who I am. I've always kept a composition notebook at my side at all times whether that be for journaling, writing music or writing my ideas. At some point, I realized that what I was searching for to express myself had been there all along in my writing. I hope to inspire and invoke thought into each and every one of my readers. Blessings!

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