I don’t know about you ladies, but being in quarantine has taken it’s toll on my hair and nails, BIG TIME! I simply couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided to get on YouTube and figure out how to do my own twists. I had enough of looking like Ciely from “The Color Purple!” So while I was twisting my hair, I watched one of my favorite movies, “Brown Sugar.” If you hadn’t seen this movie before, it’s about two best friends who are played by Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs, and they are secretly in love with each other. Even while they are in relationships with other people, they just can’t shake the love and longing for each other, which creates problems in their relationships. Even though I had seen this move a million times before, this really had me wondering if it’s possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship. The answer to this question may simply be a matter of personal preference. Personally, I don’t believe there is one right or wrong answer at all. I’ve heard many different responses from a variety of people, and it’s never quite the same based on factors such as gender and life experiences.
While friendships of the opposite sex during your single life is great, they can often be risky and problematic during your while you’re in a relationship. While I do believe that it is possible for someone to carry on a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while being in a relationship , I believe that that depends on certain circumstances involving that friendship. Let’s be honest, most relationships begin from a friendship. Particularly, if you and your significant other were friends at one point and then became more, it may make it more difficult for them to feel comfortable with another one of your friends of the opposite sex. Again, I believe this will depend on certain factors that will determine whether or not that relationship is acceptable.
The Friendship Can not be rooted in Attraction
I don’t think I have to explain in detail why this isn’t a good idea. However, I’ll spell it out for some of you who are still a bit confused. Chris Brown tried to tell y’all that grass ain’t greener on the other side, but the catch is that it ALWAYS appears to be. If you have a friend that you see as attractive and you aren’t with that person all the time, then every time you see them, hair is on point! Make-up is flawless! He always has a fresh cut, and the beard is as neat as could be! You’re not waking up to that woman with a bonnet on her head, and you’re not seeing that man with crust in his eye in the morning. They always appear to be better than what you have, because what you are seeing is exactly what they want you to see. As soon as your spouse pisses you off, which they will, you start thinking about your perfect little friend who NEVER nags you or says the wrong things. This never ends well.
You Feel the Need to Hide the Friendship from your Significant Other
If you’re hiding something, then deep down inside you know that you are doing something wrong. If you aren’t comfortable behaving the same way with that friend in front of your significant other, then you need to ask yourself if what you are doing is right. So no secret lunch dates, private text messages or phone calls. Some of you may not agree, but emotional affairs can be worse than physical ones, but I’m not saying you should do that either. When you’re sharing personal secrets, venting to that person about your spouse, and discussing things that you can’t even do with your significant other than that shows just how invested you are in that friendship. Would you feel comfortable if your spouse had the same type of relationship with someone of the opposite sex that you are having with that person? If the answer is no, then is this really a relationship that you should continue to entertain?
You are Former Lovers
Ummm, NOOO! I’ve seen too many instances where exes are “friends,” and as soon as your partner makes you upset, that ex all of a sudden becomes golden! It’s funny how quickly someone can forget exactly why they decided to end a relationship with an ex when the person they are currently in a relationship with screws up. Like, never mind the fact that she cheated on you or he has nothing going on for himself. At that moment, they seem like long, lost treasure. That doesn’t happen in every situation, but my point is that it could happen, and the fact that you have history with this person doesn’t make it better. You’ve already kissed and whatever else, so what’s stopping you from doing it again when the opportunity presents itself?
You are friends by association
This can mean that you are friends with this person, because they are friends with your spouse, family, co-workers, ect. and maybe they’re in a relationship as well. As long as none of the three factors above are present, I believe that friends by association can work. I consider some of my husband’s closest friends to be my friend as well. I mean, you end up spending so much time with these people that you may develop a friendship.
They don’t play for the same team as you
This type of friendship will work for obvious reasons. They don’t want you, because you aren’t their type! I have plenty of gay male friends, and trust me, they don’t see me in a romantic way at all and my husband doesn’t feel uncomfortable with the relationship.
SPOILER ALERT: In “Brown Sugar,” Taye Diggs’ wife ended up cheating on him, because of the jealousy she had for his relationship with Sanaa, and Sanaa broke up with her fiance’ because she was in love with Taye. In the end of the movie, they finally end up getting together. In my opinion, if any of the first three factors are present, this is a possibility when you have male and female friendships. This isn’t always true, and I’m sure some of disagree. I just think you’re in dangerous territory when you have these type of friendships while you are in a relationship. What do you think? Do you think it’s possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship? If so, why? I wan to hear from you!!